stop settling

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Recently a girl reached out to me about her long term relationship and some issues she was dealing with. I felt honored that she respected my thoughts enough to want my opinion on everything....and then it got me thinking. This wasn't the first time I have had this talk with other girls. Hey, I even went through this exact feeling in my last relationship. Its something that I know is VERY hard to admit, not just to others but to yourself....and I hope in writing this and being open about it everyone who may be experiencing the same thing can find solace in the fact that you're not alone.

I have always been in love with love. Falling in love, being in love. Its one of, if not- is the best feeling in the world. Its a certain feeling you only feel with a select few. When your whole body is filled with butterflies and your stomach is constantly tied in knots. When just the mere touch of their hand on your shoulder runs tingles up and down your spine. Just the thought of them makes your body feel warm and your face light up. All you can think about is them. It's like you're living in a dream.

Love can be the most exciting thing in the world. But it can also be the scariest thing in the world. Being that open and vulnerable with someone. Its terrifying. Especially if you have been hurt before in the past.

I've told you before how I stopped believing in love after my last serious relationship. I just didn't think it existed anymore. I use to believe in soul mates. I really did think there was that one person out there for you and some how God was going to bring that person into your life. But here's where things went off track for me.....I knew the guy in my last relationship wasn't the one I was suppose to be with, yet I stayed with him..& put up a happy front. Why I chose to stay as long as I did, is something I still deal with. I knew deep down inside he wasn't the one for me. He wasn't my soulmate. I wasn't even in love with him. Sure I loved him as a person, as my best friend but I didn't have any of those crazy out of control feelings you experience when you're really in love. I mean, I did at first. Maybe the first few months of our relationship but even then things started out really shitty and I think the feelings were more one sided on my part than him.

Now I know those crazy feelings you feel in the beginning do not last forever. I get that. But it had gotten to a point where I didn't even want to kiss him. I didn't even want him to hug me. It just felt wrong. That can't be love....to not even want to kiss. And here I was staying with him, doing everything for him and for our relationship. But why? Why was I so content on making this thing work, when I knew in my gut he wasn't the one. My gut would scream at me..."kelly! he's not the one! what are you doing?! this is wrong and you know it!"

But I chose to ignore it. I made the intentional choice to ignore what my gut was telling me. I would try to justify it with stupid excuses. I was a fucking idiot to say the least. I wasted so much time with someone who never should've had me to begin with.

I realized I was staying in this relationship because it was comfortable. It felt safe. I told myself I rather be with him than get hurt again.

What the fuck was I thinking?

When I really sat down and thought about why I was trying to make it work with this person I knew the answer behind it. I was scared of being single. I was scared of dating shitty guys again and getting hurt. I was scared of being alone. I was basically risking true love and happiness because I was a fucking pussy. Pretty pathetic if you ask me. So I stayed in a relationship way longer than I should've and wasted my time.

However, there is a happy ending as you know....one day it just clicked. That was it. I wasn't going to settle anymore. I wasn't going to try and make this so called "relationship" work. I didn't love this person. This person clearly didn't love me....and did not deserve me. I was done being scared. I wasn't going to let the single life scare me anymore. I realized that I rather be alone and happy then to settle.

So I ended it. I finally did it. It was actually one of the most freeing days in my life. I knew I made the right choice. Thats what happens when you listen to your gut. All of a sudden everything in the world seems right again. There isn't that one thing weighing you down anymore. You're free.

Im telling you this because I know some of you are in the same situation right now and I want you to listen to your gut. Don't settle for good when you can have great. You know the truth deep down. Don't push it aside like I did.

Now the single life as I have expressed many times before has been intense. Dating is harder than ever....& the first few months of being single were hard...BUT it was better than being with him. I never once regretted my decision. And now as it inches towards almost a year since its been over....i am ready to love again. Of course I'm scared shitless to put myself out there and to fall in love....but I have started believing in love again and that feels good. I've learned so much over this past year and I finally feel confident in myself that I won't be settling for anything short of the best. Its going to be scary and there will always be ups & downs...but as How I Met Your Mother said it -

Loves the best thing we do. 

naked pictures

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Okay so I want to touch on a subject that has been happening a lot around me and to tell you why I think it has to stop.

sexting. 

Now there is a wide range of types of sexting. There's texting semi/nude photos, videos, texting dirty, sending dirty snapchats....and I am sure there's more that I just don't know about.

Personally I have never been a sexter. Its not my thing. But I know a lot of people who do it. Now it's one thing to get flirty via text but its a whole different game when you start to take it too far. Especially when your sexting with someone you aren't even serious with.

I just can't see the logic behind it as to why girls feel the need to text naked photos of themselves to guys they're talking too. Right off the bat you're already giving them the wrong impression. You girls, & I know not all of you, but the ones that are looking to settle down, what part of you thinks texting a naked picture to a guy gives the right message? You want a guy to take you seriously and like you for you, yet you're texting him naked pictures giving him the impression you're just looking for some fun.

Men are not going to take home the girl who texts naked photos to his mother. He's just not. But what I want to understand is WHY do we feel the need to do that? Is it because we are just so desperate for some attention we will risk everyone seeing that naked text just to hear 'hot' from the guy we like? Has it really come to that?

Come on girls, we are better than that! What happened to a little mystery? There are enough of those types of girls out there already....#sorrynotsorry


It's time to be different. Some how along the way we have lost sight of being the nice girls our parents brought us up to be. There aren't enough of those girls left anymore, but it doesn't have to continue being like that. We can be traditional when it comes to relationships. We don't have to succumb to what everyone else is doing around us. 

Different is a good thing.


Let's make being nice cool again. Being a hussy doesn't make you cool. Having respect for yourself and your body does.

Remember that.

worth the wait.

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In my last post I touched on sex and waiting until you're in a serious relationship to have it....& I had a friend ask me a question in regards to the post. She wanted to know that when put in that situation when things start to get all hot and steamy whats my reason?

My reaction was what do you mean whats my reason? You need to have a reason as to why you don't want to give your body to someone you're not sure about? It got to me because I feel like we as women feel the need to explain ourselves about something that doesn't really need explaining.

Let me explain.

Its one thing to be honest with your partner and let them know whats going on, but what I am referring to is that guy you've been hooking up with for a few weeks, that really hasn't even acknowledged what you are to him. That guy. We have all been 'with' that guy. I put 'with' in quotes because you and I both know you're not sure if you're officially with him or if you're just a hookup. Its that guy who always plays the 'why not' card. Who just assumes that after a few fun drunken hookups you're going to go all the way with him....& what I am trying to say is you don't have to explain and feel bad for what you're feeling.

Think about it girls, its like we feel bad for not being ready. Its like we're scared that they're going to get mad and leave us.......re-read what I just said - "we're scared that they're going to get mad and leave us"....does that really sound like the person we should be sleeping with? If a guy that you're interested in, that you have been hooking up with doesn't understand why you're not ready to sleep with him , he is not the guy you should be with. If he truly did want to be with you, he would be willing to wait because he knows that
YOU ARE WORTH THE WAIT. 

You know I use to think guys like that didn't exist anymore. Guys that respected girls and weren't just after getting laid. When my mom would preach to me about it, I would roll my eyes and tell her that if those guys did exist they weren't living around me. I think I used to use that as an excuse as to why I would give it away so easily. Tell myself that everybody's doing it. Im never going to find and keep someone if I don't.

Stupid. So stupid. Because that wasn't true. It isn't true.

Those guys do exist we just have to wait to find them. We have to stop settling for what we have and wait until we get the real thing. I stopped believing in love after my huge breakup a year ago. I stopped believing in the real thing....but I realized if I truly wanted the real thing I had to work for it. And that meant having respect for myself and realizing that I am worth the wait.

We're all worth the wait.