expectations

Ahhhh nothing cracks me up more than going through my old drafts in my blog from YEARS ago and reading posts I never posted. I feel like this post should be on the blog; even though things are way different in my life now and well I'm a different person I still feel its important to share these feelings. 

ENJOY >>>>>>

Expectations. We all have them. We all expect certain things in our daily lives. But what about expectations in relationships? With our boyfriend....we may have certain expectations in the relationships that were in but it doesn't mean we are implementing them.

I know there are certain things I expect from my boyfriend in our relationship. So when something doesn't go as I expected of course I get a little upset. But the problem I have had in the past is actually expressing those expectations to my significant other.

So then I thought about why I had trouble telling this person who is suppose to be my boyfriend how I feel.

Why was I so nervous to tell this boy who I have been seeing, who I am sleeping with that something he did upset me? Was I scared because I didn't want him to get mad? Was it because I was scared he wouldn't like me anymore? Did I think he was going to dump me?

As I sat there and thought about what I was saying I got angry. But not angry at him, angry at myself. Why the fuck was I being such an insecure little pussy? I shouldn't feel like like its all over for expressing how I feel. It made me sad I was still not confident enough in myself to know I was good enough and I was worth whatever I expected....because the truth is if something upsets me and my boyfriend doesn't want to fix it he shouldn't be my boyfriend.

I still to this day have trouble excepting that concept. I'm a people pleaser. I always have been. It makes me happy to make others happy. But sometime in the mist of me making others happy I forget about myself.