friends forever?

Hello dolls!

My name is Bonnie, but that's boring so I make people call me Bon Bon!  Now I sound like a hot latin dance!  Oh, spicy!  I blog over at The Life of Bon where I pretty make fun of 16 year old hood rats all day seeing that teaching English to high schoolers is my full time job.  I love everything about my job except for one little thing.

I miss my friends.

(I'm wearing the bright red lipstick.  Hey, go big or go home.)

So now tell me.  What is the deal with making friends when you're married?  Am I the only one who thinks it totally blows?  All I want to do is pick up a couple of chicks to roll around two with and suddenly that seems impossible!

I have always been an outgoing person- surrounding myself with hordes and hordes of people.  The more, the merrier in my book.  In college I lived with my best friends.  Our lives were constant cycles of prank wars, swapping boyfriends, borrowing clothes, and staying up late watching The Office while inhaling tubes of cookie dough.

My college besties have mostly scattered by this point.  Two live in Arizona, one lives in New Mexico, one lives in California, and one lives in Colorado.  A few live close to me in Utah, but one with plans to move to Connecticut in the spring.  Sometimes I sit back and look at pictures of college and wonder, "How is it possible that that is already over?"

My bonds with my college friends are stronger than steel.  But they ain't around anymore.  So time to find someone new who will watch Bachelor and paint her toenails with me.  But living just with Hubs and not in a college apartment complex, I don't even know how to go about meeting new girls.  Girls I do meet, at church or school, I enjoy talking to, but seem a far cry from the besties I partied away my early twenties with.  I have trouble connecting like I used to.  Is it because now we  have husbands who are our #1 priority, or is it because instead of ditching class to stalk boys on facebook we now have jobs we have to go to?  What makes it more difficult to make friends after college?

Don't get me wrong.  I love hanging with Hubs.  Of all my friends, he's my favorite one I've ever had.  But he's busy a lot.  And even when he's not busy, we still have different interests.  As much as I wish it were so, Hubs doesn't want to go shopping and get a pedicure with me.  Nor does her care that Kate Middleton is preggers (EEK!).  Also, I need more social interaction than Hubs does.  I am an extrovert and get my energy by being around people.  Hubs is an introvert and gets his energy by relaxing and being by himself.  Meaning that if I stay in and watch movies all day on Saturday with Hubs I am going to explode my Bon energy all over everybody before the night is through.  Friends for a girl like me are an absolute necessity.

The New York Times ran this article in July about making friends as an adult.  It is fascinating to me. Are there more friends out there for me in this great big world, or is my friend count maxed out?

How do you make friends after college?  And does having a significant other make it even more difficult?  How about babies?  Do they complicate friendships even further?!?  You better believe that when I have babies I'm going to use those bad boys as tools to make more friends.  "Hey!  You have a baby?!?  I have a baby!!!  Let's go to the mall together!"

Anybody who has made tons of friends after college want to share your wisdom with us?  Where do you make friends- especially if you are not working?  And do you keep in touch with your friends from college and high school?  My brother once told me that friendship is merely a matter of convenience- that friendships disintegrate as soon as it is not convenient anymore.

Please.  Say it ain't so.


Stacie S-H said...

I'm running in to the same problem since getting married :-/ Living in AZ and being involved with YSA activities there I had tons of friends but when I got married and moved to Utah...yes hanging with the husband is fun but he has school, tons of homework + work and he isnt a huge fan of going out shopping with me but he will sometimes. My sister lives in Holladay but is busy with her little family so we dont hang out all that much. I'm slowly starting to make some friends in my ward after almost 2 years. Terrible! Took me about 6 months when I was single to make friends in AZ. It bites. Even going to blogger events and getting to know the ladies..most of them have kids and families and I dont feel like I could call them to hang out. All I can suggest is to maybe get to know the people on your street? or go to meetup.com and join a group that has an interest that matches yours and you'll meet new ppl that way/make some friends. I did that in AZ, joined an awesome scrapbook group and that helped me get out and meet new ppl too. Havent found the same in UT surprisingly..all those groups want to charge you monies to go scrapbook with them!

Nic said...

I am totally having the same problem! I feel like I have no friends to just hang out with. Nobody in a committed relationship or babied - or who understands that. Or the friends that I have that do understand that are nowhere close. I'm afraid that I'm going to be alone forever, in the friend aspect anyway. That's probably why I spend so much time online and blogging, it's full of people that seem to understand and I'm at home, not neglecting life.
Anyways, that has no ideas as to how to help get friends, lol. But once you figure out some ways, let me know! I would love to try them.


Unknown said...

I am having the same problem. I had a large group of friends in my hometown but when my husband and I moved away I had so much trouble finding friends I could really connect with. I feel like I have acquaintances but no one I can really confide in.

Nadine said...

I relate so much to this post, and I'm not even married! Just living with a guy I think changes how your girl friendships are. I wrote a whole post about it actually!
You can read it here: http://www.backeastblonde.com/2013/03/will-i-have-bridesmaids_5.html

I just haven't figured out why making friends in your 20's is so hard! I also kind of can't wait for the fact that babies make it easier to make friends with fellow moms.

Unknown said...

Beautiful pictures for a lovely post :)
You're incredible girl !


Coline ♡

Dinah Gacon said...

What a great read!!!! I had a really hard time when I first started dating my husband and then as time passed I started meeting friends who had the same thing going and it was easier to relate.

xo Dinah @ sunshine super glam

Andiepants said...

Love this Bon Bon! Thanks Kelly for having her guest post!
I'd say it is hard! I am very lucky that I have a circle of friends that hubby and I have had since high school. So it's easy for me to disappear from the face of the earth and come to a getty without missing a beat. I tend to be an introvert, but I love spending time with my friends.
I had made some friends outside of this circle either classmates, workmates, or NKOTB fans (haha!), and it did get hard to keep in touch. Specially if they have a significant other because then you always feel like your or their significant other had to be involved at all times. I never understood that.
I spent a good 3 years having lots of girl time, I ended up missing the hubs. nowadays, it still feels like its harder to make friends, but I find other ways to keep active...blogging, reading, or just vegging out!

Andie's Traveling Pants

Janna Renee said...

When we first moved to Colorado, I was finding it very hard to not have a "bestie" or any friends in a new place across the country. However, I have found out that I am an Introvert, and being without any gal pals hasn't bothered me. My hubby is the Extrovert, so he's the only reason I will even go out. Haha.

I do work in a social environment so I have made friends, but the hubs is my only priority. That doesn't leave me with a lot of attention to bestow on another person to create a lasting friendship. Sorry I'm not much help, but good luck!

PS. I would like to say that I found a bestie in Kelly ;)Just virtually!

Whitney Cypert said...

This girl knows what's up! After I got married and moved to Colorado I have had a hard time making friends too. Work friends just aren't the same as high school or college friends. I am in dire need of someone to come over, bake a batch of cookies with me and watch The Bachelor!

Kelly said...

What a great introduction, thanks Kel!

Sparkles and Shoes

Anonymous said...

Ah, I know how you feel! And imagine if you're not even a very social person to start out with? I never really know how to start a conversation with someone I've never met before. At least in college I knew that we had something in common...

-Maria @ http://trinemarie.com/

Naitodd said...

I'm glad to see that I am not alone! I have always lived in my home town and never imagined anything different. I married a military mad and now we live 2000 miles away from anyone we know. With 2 kids and not having to meet new people for so long I feel like I have forgotten how to relate to adults. We have been here almost 1 year and I have made 1 friend. This was because our boys go to preschool together. It started with a terribly awkward "so our boys like each other, maybe we should hang out" lol. I'm thankful I made the first move but have also come to reality with the fact I may never have friendships like the ones with my girls back home. When you get married and have kids and have friends with the same there seems to be little time to just hang out when you are both juggling family, school, naps, feelings... And the list goes on! I do hope to meet new awesome ladies but also fear with moving every 3 years no friendship will have the time to make that deep connection.


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