3.27.2014

sex talk

via



So I want to talk about a touchy, kinda personal subject but I think its something that needs to be discussed openly.

sex. 

It's everywhere. It's all everybody is doing & talking about. If you're not having sex, something is clearly wrong with you, right?


WRONG.

Before I go on though, let me start by saying I like sex as much as the next person but what i'm talking about is something different.

Lets go back to when you were a virgin. Holding onto your virginity was a big deal & not something you gave away so quickly. In my first serious relationship I was with my boyfriend for 8 months before I gave it away. I mean it could've been longer but nowadays thats like forever to some people.

I feel like after you lose it, it all goes downhill from there. You're not so quick to hold onto it for so long when you're in a new relationship. You kind of have the mentality of 'fuck it, i've already done it once'....and I did have that mentality for awhile. Giving away the milk for free. I've talked about it before, how the old saying 'why buy the cow when you get the milk for free'...is true. Its so simple yet so hard to practice.

SO why do we feel like we have to give it up so easily? Now I know a lot of girls aren't like that & are pretty classy about it all, but I also know a lot of girls that give it up way too soon and they wonder why the guy starts to disappear after.

I understand what its like to get caught up in your emotions & the moment...been there done that too many times...but let me tell you this --- every relationship that started where I gave it up too quickly, never, ever, worked out. They either ended right away...& let me tell you that's a brutal feeling, or they lasted a few months....that in reality, was just a shitty game of cat & mouse.

Its frustrating & hard. Your heart takes a few beatings, thats for sure...but when things aren't working in my life and I keep getting the same result, I change it. Change can be tricky. Especially when you're so use to living a certain way. But I was tired of the same old shit, so I figured why not.

I decided that I wasn't going to be sexually intimate with anyone unless I was in a committed serious relationship. I talked about commitment the other day & how important it is to have one when you like someone...and as I reach the last year of my 20s I can't be fucking around anymore. I had some amazing times, but I also had some really hard times and I was done playing this game of cat & mouse.

We as women are such incredible creatures. We deserve everything we want. And feeling comfortable in your relationship & knowing he's not going to peace out on you when you give it up is something I know we all want. But in order to achieve that we have to be strong. We have to be able to say no and wait until we have that commitment before anyone gets to experience the amazingness of us. I know saying no can be hard but think about it this way, don't you want to be with the guy who respects you for saying no & willing to wait than the guy who gives you shit for it & makes you feel bad? I feel like by sticking to something so simple as saying no we can save ourselves from a lot more heartache & wasted time with someone who was not the one.

Its worth a try.

I feel like by sticking to something so simple as saying no we can save ourselves from a lot more heartache & wasted time with someone who was not the one.

And while you wait for the right person, you can take the time to address some things about you that affect your self-esteem when it comes to dating. A lack of self-esteem can cause you to accept the wrong people in your life - people who don't deserve you. So improve yourself. For example, if you have weight issues, take proactive steps to be fit. If you don't like how you look and feel down there, consider medical treatments like vaginal labiaplasty. When the right person comes, you'll be in a better place in terms of appearance, confidence, self-esteem, name them. 




photo signature_zpsc196524e.png


38 comments:

Janelle said...

I love this perspective! I actually waited until marriage to have sex, and to some people that's craaaaazy and they thought I was missing out or something. Whether you wait for marriage, or wait for the right guy, or wait for the right time, waiting is so important! Because sex isn't just something fun that you do, it offers a deeper connection between two people. And you're right, a lot of guys take off after they've reached their conquest with you. Which is awful of them. The right guys will always be ok with waiting :)

www.janelleinreallife.com

alisialynn said...

I didn't wait until marriage originally, but before I started dating my now husband, I decided I was going to wait until I was married before I did again and I'm so glad I did! Even more important was that we were on the same page with that (and we dated for almost 5 years!!!). I think it is admirable to practice self-control in a day where we constantly get instant gratification. Good luck!

http://alisialynn.blogspot.com

The Girl who Loved to Write said...

Great perspective...totally worth a try.

Anonymous said...

Excellent insight! It's so true. I wish I knew this when I was 21 years old and had the complete wrong idea of what guys wanted. It's so important to connect on all other levels with the person you're in a relationship with. It's not all about sex, and I wish TV and movies wouldn't make it seem that way all the time.

Unknown said...

LOVE this. and miss you dearly. Come back into my life, k thanks.

kodi_jo said...

I think this is an awesome idea -- I feel like in relationships sometimes the physical connection(whether straight up sex or any other physical act) could distract from the rest of the relationship, in the sense that you may not notice or focus on issues that mean he's not the one for you, because you're focusing on the physical. I've watched people stay in relationships they never would've stayed in if there wasn't a physical connection. So feeling the bigger issues out first before you bring in the fun physical goodness sounds like a great idea!

Benjamin Skubish said...

As a happily married man I agree. A man who is after your heart will wait because you will both have the same end goal. A guy who is truly grown up will know when the forever woman has entered his life and will have no problem waiting until it's a mutually agreed upon decision. Sexual chemistry is so important and it is not to be ignored, but going all the way too soon is no way to solidify a connection between two humans and it normally ruins it. My wife and I were inseparable before our first time being together intimately and we became great friends first. In all of my playboy years of not ever waiting with a woman, she made me wait and this time I was happy to do so. I finally found the girl I would not only wait for, but I would do anything for her. We are still inseparable 8 years later and unlike our friends in sexless marriages we are high volume lovers even with a 6 year old. WAIT WAIT WAIT!

My-cliffnotes said...

Soo true, if I could do it all over again I'd have been a lot more picky about my floozie phase.

Can't wait to see you!

xx

Amanda said...

Love this post! I absolutely agree with you. It's such a big thing that people don't take seriously.

Anonymous said...

This is a great post. I really wish more women would consider closer their legs and opening their minds and hearts first. That's what I did. As a high school freshman, I found a guy I really liked and we started dating. He never pressured me, but I made it clear from the get-go that I didn't want to have sex right away.

We waited a year, and boy was my man patient, but it was worth it to wait unit l was comfortable. We ended up staying together for another 8 years and we are not happily married.

So there you go. Respect yourself enough to say no and the man will respect you, too. Bam!

Great topic!

Anonymous said...

Great word of advice. Many are falling for the lie that you're way cooler and totally happy if you're sexually active outside of committed relationships.

Glad to see someone saying its not all awesome!
Sex is much better when its treated sacred.

Katie @ Chalk it up to Better Luck said...

I lost my virginity too young to someone I didn't really even like. After that I waited a long time before I did it again. But now, it's something I hardly even think about as intimacy...and there is something wrong with that. I needed this post.

Uncurly.com said...

What kind of committed relationship is there besides marriage? I mean, seriously? A serious or close relationship is SIMPLY NOT the same thing as one in which an ACTUAL, commitment is made, as it is done in marriage. "I'm with you as long as it's working out for me," even in a 'serious' relationship, is NOT a commitment. Marriage is a commitment, often made publicly to secure the additional backing and support of our friends and families. I think we need to be honest about this and stop pretending.

I have a stress management practice and one of the most astonishing things I've seen in working with people is that regardless of they are actually behaving in their own lives and regardless of the way they were raised, at their core (i.e. their intelligence or their spirit) they all believe that sexual relations belong within marriage. And, having sex outside of marriage is stressful to them because it's beneath their innate standards--which in turn leads to guilt feelings about sex that can even turn into a Pavlovian response such that when they eventually do get married and it's "ok" to have sex, they may still have guilt stress which can show up either as difficulty fully enjoying sex with their spouse, or as resentment toward their spouse for the guilt feelings they feel, or even a puzzling suspicion that their spouse doesn't really love them. I see this on a daily basis in both men and women. (MindBodyStressMgmt.com) I would never recommend that someone have sex outside of marriage. It's too great not to wait. ECR

John said...

rolex watches outlet
abercrombie & fitch
ugg outlet store
cheap ugg boots
pandora jewelry
michael kors outlet online
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses
polo ralph lauren
uggs outlet
p90x workouts
ray ban sunglasses outlet
louis vuitton outlet online
cheap jordans
burberry outlet
nike air max
louis vuitton handbags
toms
toms shoes
michael kors outlet online
supra shoes
louis vuitton
coach factory outlet
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
giuseppe zanotti sneakers
michael kors
ralph lauren outlet
tory burch sale
louis vuitton outlet
ugg outlet
20151207yuanyuan

Unknown said...

coach outlet
coach factorty outlet
canada goose outlet
lebron 13
michael kors outlet clearance
ray ban sunglasses
coach factorty outlet
ralph lauren
coach outlet
michael kors
coach factory outlet
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet
kate spade outlet
nike outlet store
retro jordans 13
tory burch outlet online
louis vuitton handbags
air jordan 8
gucci belt
cheap jerseys
jordans for sale
hollister
burberry scarf
coach outlet
kevin durant shoes 2015
jordan 11
hollister kids
ray ban sunglasses
coach factory outlet online
louis vuitton handbags
canada goose jackets
lebron 12
kate spade outlet
asics shoes
ed hardy outlet
toms shoes
michael kors outlet
coach factorty outlet
christian louboutin shoes
20164.5wengdongdong

raybanoutlet001 said...

ralph lauren online,cheap ralph lauren
michael kors uk
michael kors handbags
vera bradley outlet
ray ban sunglasses outlet
ralph lauren online
yeezy boost
cheap jordan shoes
michael kors factory outlet
fitflops sale

raybanoutlet001 said...

kobe basketball shoes
true religion outlet
http://www.nikedunks.us.org
michael kors outlet store
nike roshe run

Unknown said...

ecco shoes outlet
cheap uggs
tiffany outlet
tiffany and co
canada goose jackets
michael kors handbags
ecco
cheap ray ban sunglasses
michael kors handbags outlet
tiffany outlet

Unknown said...

coach factory outlet
ray ban sunglasses outlet
michael kors outlet online
fitflops
nike store
longchamp bags
kate spade handbags
nike huarache
air max
polo ralph lauren outlet
20170117

Unknown said...

tiffany jewelry
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
nike blazer pas cher
ralph lauren uk
air max 90
coach outlet online coach factory outlet
gucci borse
toms shoes
ralph lauren
chanyuan2017.02.18

Unknown said...

yeezy boost
links of london sale
new england patriots jersey
air jordan
atlanta falcons jersey
michael kors outlet online
adidas nmd runner
adidas tubular sale
links of london
longchamp

Unknown said...

coach outlet
coach factory outlet
bengals jersey
cheap oakley sunglasses
cheap michael kors handbags
cheap nike shoes
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
michael kors handbags
san francisco 49ers jerseys

Unknown said...

cheap jordan shoes
michael kors outlet online
coach outlet
coach outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
coach outlet online
michael kors outlet
kobe shoes
fitflops sale clearance
birkenstock shoes
20170616lck

Unknown said...

ray ban sunglasses
true religion jeans
canada goose outlet
michael kors outlet
oakley sunglasses
longchamp handbags
coach factory outlet
mulberry outlet
michael kors bags
nike shoes
20170704caihuali

Unknown said...

oakley sunglasses
nike shoes
michael kors outlet
ugg outlet
cleveland cavaliers jerseys
oakley sunglasses
air jordan uk
coach outlet
nike huarache
michael kors handbags

Unknown said...

stephen curry shoes
adidas online shop
jordan 4
nike huarache
kyrie irving shoes
michael kors handbags
louboutin shoes uk
converse outlet
adidas stan smith sneakers
adidas tubular shadow

swdw said...

coach outlet online
michael kors handbags
coach outlet online
ralph lauren shirts
coach bags
snapbacks wholesale
michael kors handbags sale
coach outlet online
ralph lauren polo
christian louboutin outlet

Unknown said...

kyrie 4
longchamp bags
adidas nmd
nike air zoom pegasus 32
yeezy boost 350
curry 4
balenciaga sneakers
yeezy boost 350 v2
lebron shoes
vans shoes

Unknown said...

air max shoes
cheap ugg boots
coach outlet online
michael kors
north face outlet
cheap jordans free shipping
canada goose outlet
mbt
canada goose jackets
coach outlet online
mt1221

chenlina said...

oakley sunglasses
stussy
ナイキ スニーカー
michael kors handbags
oakley sunglasses
lebron 13
ralph lauren polo
nike sb
ralph lauren outlet
kate spade handbags
chenlina20180913

Unknown said...

flip flops
valentino shoes
ugg boots
ferragamo handbags
jordans
nike outlet
jordan shoes
dak prescott jersey
dior sunglasses
karen millen
2018.10.23zhouyanhua

Unknown said...

This can be a decent post. This post give really quality data. I'm certainly going to investigate it. Truly exceptionally valuable tips are made here. much obliged to you to this extent. Continue the acts of kindness.
business financing singapore

Unknown said...

lebron shoes
bape hoodie
coach factory outlet
nike shox for women
cheap nfl jerseys china
cheap jordans
nike flyknit trainer
yeezy boost 350 v2
hermes belt
nike air max 2018

Teknologi Millenial said...

http://messydirtyhair.com

Teknologi Millenial said...

https://www.mizanponsel.com/2018/06/harga-spesifikasi-redmi-s2-terbaru-2018.html

kristinahojholt said...

Appreciating the hard work you put into your blog and in depth information you provide. It's great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn't the same out of date rehashed material. Excellent read! I've saved your site and I'm including your RSS feeds to my Google account. search engine marketing agency

kristinahojholt said...

Hmm it seems like your website ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I'll just sum it up what I had written and say, I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I'm still new to everything. Do you have any tips for rookie blog writers? I'd really appreciate it. digital marketing manager

Rahul Bajaj said...

Woah! I'm really enjoying the template/theme of this blog. It's simple, yet effective. A lot of times it's challenging to get that "perfect balance" between user friendliness and visual appeal. I must say that you've done a excellent job with this. In addition, the blog loads super fast for me on Safari. Excellent Blog! Paint Protection Film

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...